I don't dare make a public post on your new project - I must still maintain anonymity because it's still not popular to "out" yourself completely. Many people can't accept that it happens to "our kind."  Your You Tube project is thought provoking. The format is effective. 

 

A reminder: there are other forms of "diversion" that I have not seen you address and that's "doctor shopping" and "pharmacy running" for that "legal" fix. I NEVER diverted from my employers OR patients in the field or as a nurse, in the manner in which you most frequently refer to.  To add to the problem, there was a time when an ER doc would write what I call a "professional courtesy script."  Sometimes it could be as uncomplicated as an antibiotic RX for your earache and sore throat. It could even goes as far as Vicodin or Oxy (I've seen it all) for that back pain you don't want have documented by your PMD.  Either way...it's diversion in some form.

 

My "addiction" reared it's ugly head in other behaviors way before I began to chemically self-medicate the EMOTIONAL pain of some pretty screwed-up PSTD (personal and professional) that was never addressed, properly. I entered EMS in the mid-eighties.  Women were just beginning to enter the EMS profession when "hiring a woman was because there was a federal quota to meet anti-discrimination laws."  That is a quote straight from the mouth of a former Operations Supervisor.  EMS has always been my PASSION and I still reverend it. Showing emotion was considered weak.  And in many aspects, whether male or female, it still is. The substance (yes, alcohol is a drug) abuse is a SYMPTOM.  That doesn't make it right.

 

From experience, there is no fun in "living to use and using to live." Waking up every day and trying to figure out how the hell I can shut the freaking head noise up, gets old. I still can't drive the interchange of the 58 and 99 when we go to King's Canyon.  It's been 12 years since that night. It wasn't the four dead kids that got me...it was the 15 year veteran firefighter on his knees...crying as he extricated the bodies.  I heard him repeating to himself, "if only...."  Honestly, I wouldn't have made a difference. That's just one of the most memorable incidents that impacted my life in the 20 years I spent in the field.  I believe that's called "collateral damage" in some circles. 

 

I shared recently that I can be my most difficult obstacle.  I still occasionally run into walls instead of going through the open door.  Anyone can be "clean and sober."  In my 12-step world, abstinence alone, rarely equals recovery.

 

- Medic2RN