Good morning.  I have been compelled to write to you and to let you know that I have not forgotten about my commitment to journal for you. 

 

I have been in a "not-so-good" place emotionally and spiritually as of late.  I found myself trying to save so many others, that I omitted (all be it, intentionally or willingly) to focus on my myself, and my recovery, in a healthy and timely manner.  Always being the rescuer and never the rescued, can kill you. 

 

Sometimes it is absolutely terrifying to face the world in an honest, open minded and willing manner (the first three spiritual principles of working and "honest program").  But saving my ass instead of my face, is much more of a priority now.  I know how, and that I can, ask for help, which used to be an incredibly huge barrier to staying clean.

 

I lost a good friend a few weeks back because of this disease.  I'm sad and angry.  For me, as with many others, it can be difficult at times to face life of life's terms.  And for him, it became too much (and yes, he was in the business). 

 

I hope you're staying dry and of coarse, safe.  I remember what it was like running calls in the rain and cold.  I still would not trade the world for my EMS life lessons.  Ok, maybe a few :)  Seems as though we tend to value things more, that we can no longer have, when they're gone.  I am learning to always practice an "attitude of gratitude" in everything I do. I feel alot better about myself when I'm not creating collateral damage or a debris field because of my choices.

-Medic2RN